Me: My computer broke
IT guy: What have you tried so far?
Me: Everything
IT guy:
Me: I shook the mouse a few times and did some swearing
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 1, 2014
The enemy of my enemy is also my enemy.
I’m not a people person.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 31, 2014
Wife: I’ve given up on you.
Me: I’ve given up on me, too.
[we high five and go back to not talking]
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 31, 2014
Brad Pitt: What’s in the box?
Killer: See for yourself.
Pitt: *opens box*
*finds DVDs*
*bonds with killer over 4th season of “Friends”*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 31, 2014
I’m still holding out hope that somewhere out there Brad Pitt has an evil twin named Bad Pitt.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 1, 2014