4-year-old: Can I have some of your candy?
Me: No. I worked for it and you didn’t.
4: It’s called sharing.
Me: It’s called communism.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 14, 2014
4-year-old: How many push-ups can you do?
Me: A million.
4: Then why did your arms shake on the first one?
Me: Must’ve been an earthquake
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 15, 2014
4-year-old: Dad, what’s your name?
Me: Dad.
4: Then why does Mom call you “Loser.”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 14, 2014
Kids sad about the end of summer, take heart:
When you’re done w/ school you won’t be miserable 9 months a year
You’ll be miserable all 12
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 14, 2014
*vase breaks*
Me: What did I tell you about throwing balls in the house?!
4-year-old: Put some muscle into it & stop throwing like a girl.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 14, 2014