4-year-old: Can I ride on the car roof? Me: Are you insane? 4: I’ll hold on REALLY tight. I wanted to say no, but that’s a solid plan.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 16, 2014
My 4-year-old tells everyone my wife “does pilots.” I’m not sure if she’s trying to say my wife does Pilates or bangs aviators.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 16, 2014
Me: Life is a roller coaster. Coworker: It has its ups and downs? Me: It’s expensive and it makes me want to puke.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 16, 2014
I refuse to put a “Baby on Board” sticker on my car. If people knew I’ve reproduced and might do it again, they’d just try harder to kill me
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 16, 2014
My 4-year-old daughter just walked up to her grandpa and asked, “Are you going to die soon?” She gets her tact from me.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 16, 2014