It’s 2:45am and you can’t sleep. You’re too tired to read anything serious. You can’t watch the tube because your spouse is sleeping in the next room. So what can you do? Are you doomed to just lie on the couch and hope you eventually doze off? Nope, because you can now quietly surf Amazon, where some of the best online humor can be found — in the review section.
Right now I’m reading through reviews for this book:
“I laughed, I cried … I accidentally shot my mailman in the face.”
Was this review helpful to you? Time to click the “Yes” button.
“Really ties up all the loose ends left by “My Parents Are First Cousins.”
Another click of the “Yes” button.
It’s time to move on. Glancing down at Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought, I see this:
“The only color you should use in this coloring book is brown because it’s just toilet paper, as far as I’m concerned.”
“This book showed up just in time, as my daughter recently finished her “Connect The Dots Mein Kampf.”
Totally helpful. Following the Customers Also Bought link once again brings me to:
Ah, yes, a book about the benefits of having measles. Who knew you got measles from coming into contact with butterflies?
“My infant daughter went blind after contracting measles from an unvaccinated child, and yet there’s no braille version of this wonderful book for me to give her someday to explain to her how awesome the disease that took her sight away is.”
“As a carpenter who specializes in itty, bitty coffins I can’t say enough good things about this book. My customer base has been growing at an epidemic rate!”
It’s time to move on to Little Billy’s Awesome Case Of AIDS. I could read these reviews all night/morning. Which I’ll probably do since it’s 3:30 am and I’m not tired in the least. Thank you, wonderful Amazon reviewers!
I wonder if that carpenter who specializes in itty bitty coffins has much of a customer base? This is why Amazon is as big as it is.
Every night I’m looking for a cure for insomnia. You, my friend, have made my day, or are my ‘night’ in shining armour. Can’t wait ’til the sun goes down to hilariously rock myself to sleep with this ridiculousness! Thanks for the great post!
It’s as if the kids from The Onion moonlight as Amazon reviewers. Nice find, Mr. Insomniac!
Burning the oil for all of y’all. Thanks.
I second Maura’s recommendation of the Amazon reviews of Bic Pens for Her. I love it that people can be so playful.
Hopefully, the measles kid’s parents saw the ad for the urn. You know, I think if you buy an urn from Amazon that you are probably looking for a place to stow the person you knocked off. I watch a lot of the ID channel
I’ll bet if you order the urn AND an oven from Amazon the company notifies your local police department.
Don’t forget, Thomas, Bic Pens for Her! There are thousands of hysterical reviews!
Thanks for the tip, I’ll check that out.