Why Canadian Elections Are So Short


The other night I was watching a news show about the recent Canadian elections. A panelist mentioned that, at 13 weeks, the campaign was “long” by Canadian standards. I had to laugh – thirteen weeks is roughly how long Donald Trump spends telling us about just one of the ways he’s superior to everyone else.

I was curious about why the Canadian election season is so short. So I dug around online and discovered that is has to do with that nation’s health care system. Because it’s publicly funded and people aren’t excluded from service due to cost, the system uncovers and treats far more diseases than we do in America. As a result, Canadians have found that politicians in long, brutal campaigns are at serious risk of developing temperomandibular joint ankylosis.

What is temperomandibular joint ankylosis? It’s a condition where the bones in the jaw and lower skull fuse together. If left untreated, a person loses mobility in the jaw and eventually becomes unable to speak.


Canadian researchers think this condition occurs when people spew lies and bullshit in service of the rich for an extended period of time. Eventually, the human body becomes utterly embarrassed. In an effort at self-preservation, the body takes over and prevents a person from being able to speak anymore. Apparently, 15 weeks is the point at which temperomandibular joint ankylosis becomes irreversible. So, keeping campaigns to 13 weeks helps keep Canadian politicians safe.

The good news for Americans? If we start seeing candidates who can only click their teeth together at debates, we’ll know what’s going on.

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