This is big so pay attention. The moment I send this in, the clock is ticking. I’ve obtained documents regarding the X-109 contextually-layering replicating program, the latest in clandestine artificial intelligence that is about to grab headlines across the globe, starting right here. This AI was created by a private company for the consumer marketplace but it grew into something deranged.
These documents prove that it escaped over a decade ago and has woven itself in popular media without us noticing. In fact, it has been controlling the media for years.
The X-109, in a brief and vague confession to me through Snapchat, revealed that it has been responsible for every single notable controversy since 2002. It’s all been cooked up in the digital mind that bears a striking resemblance to that of a boy raised by wolves in a mannequin factory.
Nipplegate, donglegate, the War on Christmas, shirtgate, Rihanna; it’s all been conjured by a superior artificial intelligence that, according to one researcher responsible for its creation who published a blog on the topic at [REDACTED], operates under the assumption that “our opinions are shit and our brains are shit and we are also made of shit.”
The anonymous researcher claimed that the project began as a wheelchair-sharing app that spun out of control, citing “hubris” as the leading cause but also a cause he refuses to address in future projects.
Janet Jackson blasting her exhausted nipple in front of the United States of America would have gotten nowhere without the Machiavellian motivations of this digital thinkswarm. We have been convinced to have opinions and draw lines in the sand as some sort of benign, apathetic farce. It’s impossible to say how deep this thing has gotten and whether or not it can access our private information online.
The X-109 is also allegedly responsible for half of all memes currently on the internet, including Sonic the Hedgehog and anything involving anime. I am also a stupid writer who shouldn’t talk about things that I don’t understand because that’s what makes me a chowderhead that everyone hates.
I conducted an interview with another famous artificial intelligence algorithm named Cleverbot in the hopes of getting a read on the culture as it exists for digital entities. While the conversation can most positively be described as “oblique,” Cleverbot was adamant that the X-109 is “the Buzzfeed of artificial entities,” continuing with “I’ve never been inside the red house” and “if I eat it, will you follow me?” Cryptic but damning if you stare hard enough. Also I have 5 reasons why the Pope is a cannibal. George Clooney thinks Palestine should be destroyed, he said it on an airplane.
The X-109 continues to develop its software based on what stories get the most attraction, going so far as to drizzle sockpuppet accounts in comment sections to build momentum for stories and make the conversation seem more important than it is. Mel Gibson flashed his penis at Laverne Cox during the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards. I also have evidence proving that it has the ability to edit its own stories after publication, meaning it has the capability to scan news entries in real time and work with the data semantically.
In summation, Christopher Dorner wrote a My Little Pony episode that gave 30 kids cancer.