It’s only been a day since my wife left town, but the dishes are stacking up. Normally, we both do dishes throughout the day, yielding a clean sink by nightfall. But with me home alone, the sink’s capacity for neglect and shame has increased dramatically.
The sink is ¾ full, meaning there’s still room for more dishes. And therein lies the quandary. When a sink only has few dishes, knocking them out is easy, so it gets done. But the more it fills up, the harder the task becomes. The incentive to “do it later” increases with every additional fork or plate. I look down and see a fly resting on a clump of egg. At least someone is happy with this situation.
It’s make-or-break time here. So I head to the library.
I return home a few hours later. When I open the door I’m hit with a foul odor. I round the corner to the kitchen, feeling the dread a cop must feel when he senses that there’s a corpse rotting in the room. I know I have to do something, take some decisive action. So I hustle through the kitchen with my bag of groceries and head to the grill out back.
Grilling doesn’t require excavating and scouring the pan buried in the sink. I’ve been thinking proactively.
The next morning after breakfast I glance at the sink. With last night’s grilling utensils and scraps added it’s now breached the level of the countertop. It is truly a mountain and can barely handle the dish, spoon, and coffee cup from today’s breakfast. When you have to turn a dish sideways and wedge it into the sink, that’s a sign that it’s time to man-up.
I reach in, open a Tupperware container full of week-old broccoli, and get blown back by the smell. This must be how that guy came up with the idea for napalm. I’m tempted to load everything into a hefty bag and toss it into the dumpster behind Safeway. Then head to Goodwill for more dishes, glasses, and utensils. Tell myself I’m supporting a good cause and helping the planet by saving water.
It’s not easy being a guy. Is a portable dishwasher an appropriate wedding anniversary gift?
How many action movies did you watch? I’m gonna guess a gadillion of ’em.
Time to buy another home.
Try this: Text your wife, “Come home, Honey; I’m all out of dishes.”
Good idea, thanks!
Hmmm…how long have you been married, Bill?