The Donald Is In!


On Tuesday Donald Trump officially entered the race for President. Confusing immigrants with home-grown Catholic priests, Trump claimed that undocumented immigrants from Mexico are “rapists.” This was a calculated move by The Donald. By presenting his theory that immigration leads to crime, Trump brilliantly managed to lose the vote of many of the people who work at his own hotels.

Conservatives often claim that immigration leads to crime. But the American Immigration Council has found that the crime rate in the United States has actually fallen as the size of the immigrant population has increased. Well, of course it has. You’re not gonna break into a house knowing it might be inhabited by a Mexican immigrant who will rape you.

Here’s what I predict will happen next. Mitch McConnell will enter the race and, after a fierce campaign season, the field will winnow down to just him and Trump. The press will label their contest “The Turtle And The Hair.” Just like the hare in Aesop’s fable, Trump will ridicule McConnell. But gripped by his own ego and over-confidence, Trump will try to coast to victory. He’ll take the campaign equivalent of a nap. And he won’t figure it out until the slow-but-steady McConnell crosses the finish line and nabs the nomination.

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