Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about a Wisconsin driver driving into freshly poured concrete, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon. Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Wisconsin driver removes ‘road closed’ barrier and drives straight into freshly poured concrete
Some people will do anything to tell their wife they’re stuck in traffic.
New Hungarian PM says government was funding CPAC but won’t anymore
… Sounds like when it comes to CPAC, Hungary is about to BOO-Da-Pest.
Diabetics: Do this one thing before eating sugar
Uh, estate planning?
Trump posts himself as James Bond
Let’s face it, he’s more a Bond VILLAIN named ‘Grab ‘Em by the Octopussy.’
Congressman says he used medical marijuana while in office
Finally, an answer to the question: What the hell are these people smoking?
Sheryl Crow found out ex Lance Armstrong was dating ‘really famous actress’ in wake of her cancer battle
The ball on that guy …
Spencer Pratt’s bill for hotel he’s living at amid mayoral campaign revealed to be over $15K
The Bratt Boy suite, I bet.
Bulgaria wins Eurovision song contest ahead of Israel
Hmmm. Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb. Iran only came in second.
U.S. and French nationals test positive for Hantavirus after leaving Spanish Cruise Ship
It’s as if a Disney Cruise Ship was themed ‘It’s a Small Contagious World After All’ … after all.
Shakira acquitted in Spanish tax case
Her hips don’t lie and neither did her tax returns.
Tulsi Gabbard is resigning as Director of National Intelligence
Or, as she put it when asked if true: Dah.
Steelers make two big offensive moves immediately after announcing Aaron Rodgers’ return
For Steeler fans wanting new direction, bringing back Rodgers is offensive enough.
Zelenskyy claims a ‘significant’ number of Russian regions are in a state of bankruptcy
My thoughts and prayers to everyone at Mar-a-Lago.
Jury rules against Elon Musk in his feud with OpenAI
… So Open AI beat Open A Hole …