There are a number of good reasons to not wear underwear. Not doing so saves you money on clothes. It saves you time because you need to do the laundry less often. It keeps you cooler in the summer. But rarely do you stop to consider that “going turtle” just might save your life.
The Daily Mail recently reported on an incident involving a man in his thirties and his stepfather. The stepfather made a disparaging comment about the stepson’s mom, so the stepson gave the guy an “atomic wedgie.” He yanked his stepfather’s underwear up over his face and head and cinched the elastic waistband around his neck, causing suffocation.
Police believe that it was a brief fight.
According to the report, alcohol was involved. Which gives further support to marijuana legalization, because so many stoners don’t wear underwear.
In response to this incident, the World Mixed Martial Arts Association has banned using the atomic wedgie in the ring. The stepson has been convicted of manslaughter. Court observers believe that, given the nature of his crime, he will end up sharing a cell with the Underwear Bomber.
The World Mixed Martial Arts Association can ban the atomic wedgie in the ring but they can’t police what goes on outside the ring.
I’m in gaped-mouth awe at the line “Police believe that it was a brief fight.” Magnificent and perfect. If you start a religion, I’ll follow you.
Thanks Bill. That religion will have to be underwear free, just in case there is conflict.