We Need A Time Travel Machine Right Now


We see groundbreaking sci-fi-ish inventions every year. I-phones and nanotechnology are admittedly cool, but the one technology we really need keeps eluding us. I’m talking, of course, about the Time Travel Machine.

We urgently need this invention because we’re only ten months away from the next Presidential election. And the presumed candidates are now stating their positions. On the issue of marriage equality Jeb Bush recently said this:

“It ought to be a local decision. I mean, a state decision. The state decided. The people of the state decided.”

Hillary Clinton’s stance is largely the same.

So we develop a machine that could not only send someone to a specific point in the past, but also choose what their role is in society. Once it’s developed, here’s how we’d use the Time Travel Machine:

We load Jeb and Hillary into the machine and send them back to the year 1862. They exit the Time Machine in the middle of a cotton field in Mississippi. They’re barefoot and dressed in rags. Much to their surprise and chagrin they’re now slaves.

One year later President Lincoln announces his Emancipation Proclamation. A reporter walks into the field to deliver the news. Jeb has a nasty case of ringworm and Hillary’s teeth have all fallen out. The reporter asks Jeb and Hillary how they feel about President Lincoln’s recent action.

Would Jeb and Hillary say “Well, it’s nice to be considered a normal human equal to everyone else. But I don’t know. I really think it’s up to the people of this state to decide this issue.”

Not likely. And that’s why we need the Time Travel Machine before next November.

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