Witch Gets Restraining Order Against Warlock

Here’s a belated Halloween story that will restore your faith in America’s legal system: In Salem, Massachusetts, a witch was granted a restraining order against a warlock! Lori Bruno, 75-year-old Salem witch (above) sued 45-year-old self professed warlock, Christian Day (as in “Have yourself a very… ) and was granted a restraining order. In Salem, Massachusetts!! As with whale oil, what we used to burn, we now revere. Witches and those of the Wiccan faith are welcome in Salem. In fact it’s big tourism business with museums and everything. And they get their Day in court!

Or should I say “Got her Day in court!” I can’t believe I said that. But this is how far we’ve come.

As far as the judge, the Honorable Robert Brennan, we can see him muttering to himself when these characters marched into his courtroom “OMG, another witch trial! Well, if they’re coming into my den, they’ll have to leave all their spells in the hallway. What did I do to deserve…?”

And it was a circus, a cauldron of events, if you will. Two occult shop owners can stir the pot when they want to. And, it was stirring in Judge Brennan’s Ruane Judicial Center courtroom. It’s not the first time these two have seen the inside of the court rooms. In 2007, another Wiccan priestess tried to frame Day by placing a eviscerated raccoon on the doorstep of a business rival. Also, in 2002, Day was found guilty of making harassing phone calls to another witch, Laurie Cabot, who was accused of putting a hex on the Salem police department. Also, in 2011, Day was hauled in front of the Salem licensing board to explain Facebook threats against rival fortune telling business owners.

“But I live in New Orleans, now, how can I be harassing this evil hag?” asked Day.

“He’s on Facebook, drawing ugly, grotesque pictures of me, Judge. And he phones me in the wee, wee hours of the morning,” answers Bruno.

“In the wee, wee hours?” repeats the judge.

“Yes, Judge, at 3 am… and he calls me the c-word.”

What else is left?” the judge is thinking to himself,  “Bitch doesn’t mean nothing to a witch.”

At the core of this case is a business partnership gone bad. Bruno and Day were once partners in the shop called “Hex” in downtown Salem. Things went sour and Bruno grabbed her broom and opened up a rival shop called “Magika” on Pickering Wharf. It’s not known how many spells she took with her. What is known is that the two of them gained a bit of notoriety when they made headlines casting spells together to heal Charlie Sheen.

The below is actual testimony of Bruno standing up for herself:

In testifying on the grotesque Facebook pictures and certain Day had created them, she said” Women have to be honored and treated with respect. Calling people names is the coward’s way, and the coward is the forerunner of the betrayer.”

The judge took exception and countered with “I take it your psychic abilities are confined to others and you can’t see your own future.”
The witch replied “I can see my future. That’s why I’m here today.”
Then Day’s attorney jumped in with “Ms. Bruno is a public figure just like Donald Trump and subject, at times, to unflattering comments or caricatures.”
Bruno came back with “I’m not Donald Trump, I am a woman, not somebody’s footstool.”

That’s what turned the judge and he granted the witch her restraining order against the warlock, Day. Just a couple of days before Halloween. She seems happy about it. She says the victory is not just a victory for her but a victory for all women. She went on to say “Women in Salem will never be hung again, by word or by deed or by disrespect.”



Share this Post: