How Parents Around The World Explain ‘The Birds And The Bees’ To Their Children | HumorOutcasts

How Parents Around The World Explain ‘The Birds And The Bees’ To Their Children

October 20, 2016


At some point in every parents life there comes a time when they must explain that very fundamental but mysterious and appealing fact of life to their offspring- the sex act. Not an easy task for anyone, including our neighbors around the world. Let’s take a look at how other nationalities, races, cultures and religions handle this most difficult of subjects to discuss with your young ones.

How sex is explained by:

Scientific parents- “…blood flows to the erectile tissue in the penile dura mater causing it to swell at which time it can be inserted into the vaginal orifice of the female…”

Jewish parents- “Now, look for a nice Jewish boy. If you can’t find a nice Jewish boy then find a decent goy. Just make sure he is circumcised. AND FOR GOD’S SAKE GET THAT INFORMATION SECOND HAND!!!!!!

Eskimo parents- “First off, there are only so many ways to keep warm here….”

Baptist parents- “…only after you are married and then only in the missionary position, amen!”

A prostitute to her daughter- “Look, the guy sticks it in and squirms around a lot. You pretend to like it. In the end he walks away happy and you have some bucks…”

Moonie parents- “…wait till the Master marries you to someone, then wait six months and I’ll explain the rest to you then…”

Chinese parents- “You only have one try and it has to be a boy…”

Punk parents- “Remember, if you have kids they’ll be like you…”

A fundamentalist Muslim to his daughter- “…you will get a female circumcision, marry who I say you will marry, then after the wedding just lie down, moan a lot and pretend that you like it. But don’t take your veil off for anyone!”

African parents- “Don’t think lust, think Aids!”

Catholic parents- “…only after marriage, no accessories, no special effects!”

Haitian parents- “Our economy is bad, there’s little food, no entertainment, so that leaves only one fun thing to do…”

Irish parents- “Remember to stop after the 12th kid….”

Buddhist parents- “Come on now! You’ve done it a million times before in other lifetimes! Just meditate a little and it will all come back to you!


I am a roamer and a rambler and on occasion I find time to sit down and write something. I was a regular on three humor websites and have had cartoons and mostly humorous articles published both in print and on websites in the U.S. and Europe. As soon as I can find the right place far enough back in the woods I will settle down and see what it means not to change addresses every six months. For some more serious reading try The Book Of Songs from It is a collections of short stories about music and its interweaving in the unseen patterns of our lives.

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