Turkey Day Wish

Holiday Turkey  It finally happened, I got a holiday! Our little family was finally able to stay home for Thanksgiving. It felt like we were officially recognized as grownups. Last year my mom decided to spend that day with friends at the beach so we were going to meet my husband’s family at a restaurant for dinner. As far as I was concerned, I missed the holiday. There are plenty of people who feel holidays are defined by who you spend them with. If I had insisted we stay home, (besides being the wicked witch) my husband wouldn’t have seen his family on Thanksgiving. Luckily, one of his sisters could tell I was less than thrilled with the outing. As we chatted about it, she mentioned that if we wanted to host Thanksgiving next year, she’d be on board.

Fast forward a year later and it turns out his family was serious. I was thrilled because we were not going out and we were also getting rid of a turkey. Every year, we get a free for $400 turkey from our local supermarket and my husband gets one from his work. Up until this point I had no reason to make a huge turkey for two adults and a finicky 8 year old. I admit I don’t mind leftovers but there’s only so much poultry we can stand before it gets foul (sorry couldn’t resist).

Things got even better when his family offered to bring side dishes! Who knew? I was happy to take all the help I could get. I was all set to use my holiday paper goods, that is until I talked to my mom. Then I remembered why my dad always called her ‘She Who Must be Obeyed.’ “Paper plates??!!, are you serious?!” Can you hear a person faint over the phone? Personally, I was all ready to keep things as easy as possible. It would appear that the potluck side dishes were the extent of the spoilage. My mom wanted me to use the wedding china and crystal. I was initially less than enthused about this.

According to my mom, we live like farm animals so I knew I was going to have to clean the house up – a lot. With my in-laws coming I made a point of cleaning the place like we were ready to list, and now I’m pulling out the china, too? This was partly because of my sister-in-law. We join them every year for Christmas and she really goes all out. The table is beautifully set and you’re basically spending the day in a Better Homes magazine shoot. My mother joined us one year and apparently it made quite an impression. “You’ve never even used the china after 14 years, if not now, when?” Fine, attack me with horse sense. It’s irritating when she has a point.

On the upside, by the time the big day came I almost didn’t recognize my own home. Even my mom, the cleaning gestapo herself was impressed. Once the turkey came out without being completely incinerated and my biscuits were not hockey pucks I felt it was safe to drink, henceforth referred to as the Big mistake. Fortunately for me the rest of my company were a bit more responsible, or at least sober by the end of dinner.

I blame this on my brother in law. The man makes one wicked cosmopolitan. If you are used to having them, it’s not a problem. When you’re 48 year old brain thinks your body is 28, you figure sure, I’ll just finish this fourth one and that will empty the bottle (dumbass). According to my mother, I also developed diarrhea of the mouth. ‘Did you have to keep talking??’, she asked. Lucky for me, the worst thing I said was more embarrassing to her than anything. ‘Why did you tell them I shop at Goodwill?’

If my mother thinks that’s the worst thing I’ve ever said while I’ve been drunk I am way, way, way ahead of the game!

Previous to dinner I had fantasies about the weekend. I was going to pull out the Christmas decorations and make cookie dough. Reality was a 2 day hangover that reminded me that college is way over and your body is not built for this kind of horsepucky. I will also never go out to workout hung over like that ever again. Did I mention that was mistake number 2? One of my sister in laws posted a message on social media the next day asking if we had a new Thanksgiving tradition. I said sign us up for next year, although I may have to stick to wine.

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