Two Halves Make a Whole?


More and more I’m hearing that the world is divided into the halves and the halve-nots.

I’m confused as to which is better.

If you’re a halve, you can’t be a whole. According to simple math, a halve cannot be a whole.

But are you better off than a halve-not?


If you’re a halve-not, that means you are missing one half – or – you have no halves, in which case you don’t exist.

If you don’t exist, why are you complaining? More importantly, how do you manage to complain, when you don’t exist? That’s some trick.

If it means you are missing one half, you are still the other half, which means you’re a halve.

So the halves and the halve-nots are the same. Yet everyone keeps joining one group or the other and complaining about it.

What happens if I’m a halve and I go halfsies with another halve? The other halve becomes three-quarters. But I become one-quarter. I don’t much like that.

If I were a halve and went halfsies with a halve-not, I would become a quarter, but would have the pleasure of giving birth to another quarter, if you assume halve-nots don’t exist.

But I can’t make love to someone who doesn’t exist. You see?

Also, I miss buying popsicles for a quarter.

That’s only half the story.

I mean, the ultimate goal is to become whole, isn’t it?

If there is a halve, this implies that there is some other “missing” halve out there somewhere, since the concept of a “whole” exists.

Who was the last whole person we can identify as being “whole”, and where did they put the sought after other halve?

Was it their better half? If that’s the case, why is 50% of society divorcing their better half, only to become a halve, which as we’ve seen above, is the same as a halve-not.

Maybe if everyone gets married they will become whole. Wasn’t it Tom Cruise who said, “You complete me”, to Renée Zellweger in Jerry Maguire?

But then you have to join Scientology, a “religion” full of halve-wits, which makes you a halve, and the same as the halve-nots.

Maybe we’re all the same.

Maybe that’s only halve true.

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