Rocket Man-ic | HumorOutcasts

Rocket Man-ic

August 9, 2018

The Army and Navy; Air Force and Marines:
The greatest combatants the world’s ever seen.
They cover the land, sea and air – everyplace.
But up until now, there was no force in space.

Way back in the 60s, the late JFK
Wanted men on the moon, if things worked out his way.
A place without conflict, or anger, or strife,
Where dreams of the future would soon come to life.

But I have a dream that is greater than Kennedy’s:
Let’s go into space and blow up all our enemies.
Protecting the stratosphere is a priority,
And I’ll make it so with my POTUS authority.

We’ll build great big rockets, and I’ll light the fuses.
They’ll soar anyplace that the Pentagon chooses.
We’ll knock out an ICBM while still flying,
And shoot down those satellites used strictly for spying.

I’ll zip into space and move into the ISS,
Where no one can question my taxes or piousness.
I’ll say “¡Adios!” to my haters, amigo.
The vastness of space: still too small for my ego.

I’ll put on an astronaut suit in the stratosphere
And blast any Russian or Chinese bombs that appear
By taking dead aim with my trusty ol’ laser.
(I picked one up at a Kris Kobach fundraiser.)

Mike Pence is the voice of the spaceship computer.
(Like “2001,” but he looks and sounds cuter.)
He’ll only let Christ-centered space cadets board
And hope, while they’re up there, to visit the Lord.

I’ll look down below, at that great big blue marble,
And hope I’m forgiven for all I did horrible.
But whatever occurs on the earthly arena —
I’ll be out of reach of Bob Mueller’s subpoena.

John Branning

Read more of John Branning's posts at, with his political verse now found at

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