Spotlight on Perry Block, Author of “Nouveau Old: Formerly Cute” | HumorOutcasts

Spotlight on Perry Block, Author of “Nouveau Old: Formerly Cute”

February 13, 2018
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Like you, Perry Block is a Baby Boomer who turned around one day in 1978 and suddenly found himself 40 years later at an age he always thought was exclusively reserved for people’s parents.

Through a series of often hilarious essays, Perry tries to make sense of it all, aided by his son Brandon and a host of other real and fictitious characters, including Batman, Cupid, the Legendary Jewish Vampire Vlad the Retailer, Richard Nixon, Moses, and more.

Every Boomer concern is here – aging angst, fatherhood, the singles life, friendships, fading looks and physicality, social trends, the1960’s, religion, Judaism, the writing life, parody and satire, self-deprecation, and the nagging worry that not only has he measured his life in coffee spoons, frequently the coffee hasn’t even been hot.

Excerpt from Nouveau Old: Formerly Cute

 

Caribbean Cruise Call

I frequently receive a phone call in which a recorded female voice tells me I have just won a fantastic prize.

You’ve probably received it too.

“Hello! I am happy to tell you that you have been selected to receive an all-expenses paid two week cruise to the Caribbean!”

Here we go again! So, what’s the catch?

“There is no catch. You’ll cruise from New York City aboard a luxury liner that makes The Queen Mary 2 look like the Wreck of the Hesperus.”

Do they think I was born yesterday? Not that I wouldn’t prefer to have been born yesterday.

“We don’t think you were born yesterday. Aboard ship you’ll enjoy four star dining, three Olympic size swimming pools, a Robert Trent Jones Championship Golf Course, and a private Observatory run by the ship’s resident physicist Neil deGrassse Tyson.”

If I’d really won a prize like this, wouldn’t an actual person be handling the call, not a programmed voice? I’ll bet there’s an ocean of hidden charges!

“There is no ocean of hidden charges. But there are exotic ports of call like the U.S. Virgin Islands, St. Kitts, St. Martins, Barbados, and more, many featuring nude beaches, favorite playgrounds of supermodels from around the world.”

This is when I always slam the phone down in disgust.

Gotta get myself on the No-Call List!

A couple of weeks ago I ran into my friend Farbman at the bank. He looked tanned and rested.

“Farbman! You look great!”

“I just got back from an all-expenses paid Caribbean cruise!”

“Wait … you mean … the all-expenses paid trip from the phone call?”

“Sure, got the call last month. Fantastic food, great islands, met the Yankees. That Neil deGrasse Tyson is such a card!”

“But … but it all sounds so bogus.”

“It’s made to sound that way. It’s paid for by a billionaire who loves trusting, positive, non-judgmental people. If you listen to the message up to the part about supermodels, a live person comes on and signs you right up!”

“But that’s the point when I always hang up.”

“Yeah, he doesn’t want any negative, doubting, impatient jerks ruining the trip.”

“But, but, but …”

“If you’re lucky enough to get the call again, Perry, hang on for dear life!! Oh, those nude beaches are incredible!”

Since then I haven’t received the call. Though I pretty much don’t leave the house waiting for it.

Is there such a thing as a “Please Call List?”

Bio

 

Like you, Perry Block is a Baby Boomer who turned around one day in 1977 and found himself 40 years later at an age he always thought was exclusively reserved for people’s parents.

Through a series of often hilarious essays, Perry tries to make sense of it all, aided by his son Brandon and a host of other real and fictitious characters, including Batman, Cupid, the Legendary Jewish Vampire Vlad the Retailer, Richard Nixon, Moses, and more.

Every Boomer concern is here – aging angst, fatherhood, the singles life, friendships, fading looks and physicality, social trends, the1960’s, religion, Judaism, the writing life, self-deprecation, and the nagging worry that not only have you measured your life in coffee spoons, frequently the coffee hasn’t even been hot.

Perry Block is a writer living in Havertown PA, which is close enough to the Philadelphia Main Line so that he can wrongly brag he lives there. In his lifetime, he has succeeded in virtually every sphere of human endeavor, but failed miserably in the rectangular and triangular ones.

Perry is the father of Brian Block, age 27, and Brandon Block, who’s 22. He regrets not having more children so he could have alliterated their names as well. His hobbies include doing the hokey pokey (although he still doesn’t know how to turn himself around) and filling in for Batman when Bruce Wayne is on vacation, but please keep mum on that.

Writing has been a passion for Perry ever since he learned that it does not require math. “Perry Block – Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute” is his first book. Kindly put your life on hold waiting for the next one.

**********************

Paul De Lancey
www.pauldelancey.com
www.lordsoffun.com

Paul De Lancey

Paul De Lancey writes in multiple genres: adventure, westerns, morality, time travel, thriller, and culinary, all spiced with zaniness. He is a frequent contributor to HumorOutcasts. His novels "Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms?" "Beneficial Murders," "We’re French and You’re Not," and "The Fur West" and his cookbook Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World have won acclaim from award-winning authors. Paul is also the writer of hilarious articles and somewhat drier ones in Economics. Dr. De Lancey obtained his Doctorate in Economics from the University of Wisconsin. His thesis, “Official Reserve Management and Forecasts of Official Reserves,” disappears from bookstore shelves so quickly that most would-be purchasers can never find it in stock. Paul, known to his friends as Paul, was the proud co-host of the online literary events Bump Off Your Enemies, The Darwin Murders, and Tasteful Murders. He also co-collected, co-edited, and co-published the e-book anthologies resulting from these events. Perhaps Mr. De Lancey will someday become a literary giant without having to die for the title. The humorist is a direct descendant of the great French Emperor Napoleon. Actually, that explains a lot of things. Paul ran for President of the United States in 2012! Woo hoo! On the Bacon & Chocolate ticket. Estimates of Bacon & Chocolate’s share of the votes range from 3 to 1.5% of the total. El Candidato also lost a contentious campaign to be El Presidente of Venezuela. In late 2013, Chef Paul participated in the International Bento Competition. The great statesman is again running for president, this time under HumorOutcasts’ sponsorship. Contact Paul before he gets elected to get that ambassadorship to Tahiti you’ve always wanted. Mr. De Lancey makes his home, with his wonderful family, in Poway, California. He divides his time between being awake and asleep. His books are available at: www.lordsoffun.com and amazon.com.

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