Like you, Perry Block is a Baby Boomer who turned around one day in 1978 and suddenly found himself 40 years later at an age he always thought was exclusively reserved for people’s parents.
Through a series of often hilarious essays, Perry tries to make sense of it all, aided by his son Brandon and a host of other real and fictitious characters, including Batman, Cupid, the Legendary Jewish Vampire Vlad the Retailer, Richard Nixon, Moses, and more.
Every Boomer concern is here – aging angst, fatherhood, the singles life, friendships, fading looks and physicality, social trends, the1960’s, religion, Judaism, the writing life, parody and satire, self-deprecation, and the nagging worry that not only has he measured his life in coffee spoons, frequently the coffee hasn’t even been hot.
Excerpt from Nouveau Old: Formerly Cute
Caribbean Cruise Call
I frequently receive a phone call in which a recorded female voice tells me I have just won a fantastic prize.
You’ve probably received it too.
“Hello! I am happy to tell you that you have been selected to receive an all-expenses paid two week cruise to the Caribbean!”
Here we go again! So, what’s the catch?
“There is no catch. You’ll cruise from New York City aboard a luxury liner that makes The Queen Mary 2 look like the Wreck of the Hesperus.”
Do they think I was born yesterday? Not that I wouldn’t prefer to have been born yesterday.
“We don’t think you were born yesterday. Aboard ship you’ll enjoy four star dining, three Olympic size swimming pools, a Robert Trent Jones Championship Golf Course, and a private Observatory run by the ship’s resident physicist Neil deGrassse Tyson.”
If I’d really won a prize like this, wouldn’t an actual person be handling the call, not a programmed voice? I’ll bet there’s an ocean of hidden charges!
“There is no ocean of hidden charges. But there are exotic ports of call like the U.S. Virgin Islands, St. Kitts, St. Martins, Barbados, and more, many featuring nude beaches, favorite playgrounds of supermodels from around the world.”
This is when I always slam the phone down in disgust.
Gotta get myself on the No-Call List!
A couple of weeks ago I ran into my friend Farbman at the bank. He looked tanned and rested.
“Farbman! You look great!”
“I just got back from an all-expenses paid Caribbean cruise!”
“Wait … you mean … the all-expenses paid trip from the phone call?”
“Sure, got the call last month. Fantastic food, great islands, met the Yankees. That Neil deGrasse Tyson is such a card!”
“But … but it all sounds so bogus.”
“It’s made to sound that way. It’s paid for by a billionaire who loves trusting, positive, non-judgmental people. If you listen to the message up to the part about supermodels, a live person comes on and signs you right up!”
“But that’s the point when I always hang up.”
“Yeah, he doesn’t want any negative, doubting, impatient jerks ruining the trip.”
“But, but, but …”
“If you’re lucky enough to get the call again, Perry, hang on for dear life!! Oh, those nude beaches are incredible!”
Since then I haven’t received the call. Though I pretty much don’t leave the house waiting for it.
Is there such a thing as a “Please Call List?”
Bio
Like you, Perry Block is a Baby Boomer who turned around one day in 1977 and found himself 40 years later at an age he always thought was exclusively reserved for people’s parents.
Through a series of often hilarious essays, Perry tries to make sense of it all, aided by his son Brandon and a host of other real and fictitious characters, including Batman, Cupid, the Legendary Jewish Vampire Vlad the Retailer, Richard Nixon, Moses, and more.
Every Boomer concern is here – aging angst, fatherhood, the singles life, friendships, fading looks and physicality, social trends, the1960’s, religion, Judaism, the writing life, self-deprecation, and the nagging worry that not only have you measured your life in coffee spoons, frequently the coffee hasn’t even been hot.
Perry Block is a writer living in Havertown PA, which is close enough to the Philadelphia Main Line so that he can wrongly brag he lives there. In his lifetime, he has succeeded in virtually every sphere of human endeavor, but failed miserably in the rectangular and triangular ones.
Perry is the father of Brian Block, age 27, and Brandon Block, who’s 22. He regrets not having more children so he could have alliterated their names as well. His hobbies include doing the hokey pokey (although he still doesn’t know how to turn himself around) and filling in for Batman when Bruce Wayne is on vacation, but please keep mum on that.
Writing has been a passion for Perry ever since he learned that it does not require math. “Perry Block – Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute” is his first book. Kindly put your life on hold waiting for the next one.
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Paul De Lancey
www.pauldelancey.com
www.lordsoffun.com