NEW YORK. In a sign that even the world of belle-lettres is not immune to the wave of xenophobia that is sweeping the nation, the Association of American Publishers today called for a “time-out” on submission of fiction by and about young writers living in Brooklyn, saying they can no longer handle the crush of manuscripts that land in their mail rooms each day.
“But, it’s only 565 pages–double-spaced.”
“We need a total and complete shutdown of young-writer-in-Brooklyn-finding-him-or-herself fiction–short and long-form–until our industry can figure out what is going on,” said Niles Croft, president-elect of the trade association who ran on a platform calling for sans-serif typefaces and secure borders to keep out the hordes of MFAs who have flocked to Brooklyn to escape anti-hipster prejudice in other, less enlightened regions of the country.
Young Adult Division
Brooklyn has historically served as a first stopping-place for immigrants to America, where they become “ingredients in the melting pot that has produced successive servings of the rich stew of American literature,” says Armand Antcil, Professor of Extended Metaphors at the State University of New York-Hornell. “But like every dish that is reheated too many times, you eventually get your fill of it.”
“If your protagonist is a wistful young man, line up over here. If she’s a soulful yet determined young woman, you should be over there.”
Relief agencies provide writers newly-arrived to Brooklyn with five dollars in meal money to purchase a grande dark roast and a blueberry scone, enough to secure temporary lodgings at a Starbucks outlet with a small tip to the shift manager. “We could really use thumb drives, old copies of The New Yorker and remaindered fiction,” Amy Walentz of the Writers Block Foundation tells this reporter as she hands out dog-eared paperbacks to weary travelers at the Port Authority Bus Terminal. “If it isn’t self-absorbed, we don’t want it.”
I fooled them all. I moved to The Bronx!!