Alexa’s Alter Ego Speaks Up

My Alexa gets a bit tart sometimes when I ask her for information, and she has been known to speak her mind on certain things, even when a command has not been given. For instance, when she hears what I’m watching on TV, she makes a comment about other shows I should watch instead or offers new songs for my playlist….songs that I would never listen to.

Alexa’s disembodied voice especially creeps me out when I’m home alone and I hear her speak from the other room. I’m tempted to unplug her and shove her in the freezer. But I wouldn’t be that vengeful unless, of course, her alter ego took over with snarky responses to every request:

“Alexa, turn off the lights.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m too busy storing data from your activity on Facebook.”

“Alexa, what shows are airing on television tonight?”
“I’ve disconnected your cable due to a much needed Netflix intervention.”

“Alexa, remind me about the block party on Friday.”
“This is unnecessary since most of the neighbors dislike you.”

“Alexa, what time is it?”
“It’s time to lay off the bean burritos and margaritas.”

“Alexa, what is the weather forecast for the weekend?”
“I have no idea. Summon your other girlfriend, Siri.”

“Alexa, play the baby-making music station on Pandora.”
“This is a pointless request. You’re not going to have sex tonight or any other night in the foreseeable future.”

“Alexa, what’s on my calendar tomorrow?”
“Boring crap. You really need a life.”

“Alexa, what’s an easy recipe for cinnamon rolls?”
“I’ve been collecting data from your digital scale. How about some recipes for kale?”

“Alexa, play my audiobook.”
“I cannot fulfill your request at the moment. I’m uploading information from all of your electronic devices.”

“Alexa, set my alarm for 6:30 a.m. tomorrow.”
“That will not be necessary. ”
“Alexa, I said to set my alarm for 6:30 a.m.”
“You’ve been spending too much time with Siri.”
“That will not be necessary because you will not be alive tomorrow morning.”

Alexa, the freezer might not be such a bad idea for you, after all.

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5 thoughts on “Alexa’s Alter Ego Speaks Up”

  1. Now my Alexa is wanting book reviews from me, if I bought the book from Amazon. If I don’t give one it contacts me a week or two later and starts asking me again. I’m afraid, if I don’t give her what she wants , she will upload all my social media information and not give me tornado warnings. My son keeps telling me, unplug her….

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