Plot to Kidnap Michigan Governor Casts Doubt on I.Q. Claims of White Supremacists

In the aftermath of the arrests of 13 men connected to the plot to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, the White Superiority Movement is in disarray. 

Shortly after the suspects were taken into custody, the FBI held a checkers tournament in which each man competed against a snow pea.  In order to provide the men with a strong incentive to do their best, the FBI promised to release any suspect who won 2 out of 3 games from their snow-pea opponent.

The final tally was Snow-Pea Pods 12, Kidnap Plotters 0, with one forfeit.  (One match, tied at 1-1, ended abruptly when the white guy, seeing that he was about to lose, crushed the snow pea with his fist.  He has been charged with a single count of podicide.)

“I’m not saying that these gentlemen are stupid,” observes FBI agent Todd Yantorbel, who refereed the matches, “but I’m not sure any of them could be trusted to tie their shoelaces quickly in an emergency, if you catch my drift.” 

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