President Pardons Satan, Says Action was “Long Overdue”

Surprising virtually no one, President Donald Trump issued a full pardon to Satan yesterday.  “The Prince of Darkness should have been let out of Hell decades ago,” claimed the President.  “He was framed for a penny-ante drug offense by a God Almighty who felt threatened by Satan’s ambition and good looks.  The charge was total bulls**t!”

For his part, Satan expressed gratitude for the President’s action, stating, “I’ve always felt a special bond with this man.  Lots of people can talk a good game when it comes to evil, but Donald Trump’s behavior — day after day — shows that undiluted wickedness is his bone marrow.  He’s the real deal.”

Satan has been offered a job as a Walmart store greeter in Enid, Oklahoma, and is expected to begin working there in mid-January.  “If he’s good — I mean, if he’s bad — Satan is likely to be promoted to a middle-management position by the end of the summer,” according to company spokesperson Felicity Plange.  

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One thought on “President Pardons Satan, Says Action was “Long Overdue””

  1. Very timely!
    And I had just finished posting on Facebook about what a piece of trash Trump is for having pardoned the Blackwater assassins.

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