In his continued refusal to cede the election, Donald Trump has pledged not to change the sheets on the First Couple’s bed, keep the wifi password secret and, most concerning, won’t release the all-important codes.
The Joint Chiefs, in a somewhat disjointed joint statement, bent over backwards from their hip joints to reassure Americans: These codes are crucial for the President to do his business safely and securely. We look forward to full cooperation.
Joe Biden, the calm in the centre of the storm, immediately took charge of the narrative: Folks, don’t worry. We can always go the the washroom somewhere else. There’s a Hardee’s just down the street. The important thing is getting moved in. Once our dog marks the rugs, there’s really no going back.