Waiting for Godot or Brigitte Bardot, Whomever

Years ago I read a short story by a famous writer whose name of course has slipped my wretched mind. But the theme of the story was waiting for “important” things, which naturally never really materialize.

Lately, perhaps because I’m getting older I feel that I’ve been waiting for things much too long. You can’t force good things to happen unless you’re a wizard, but you can create the circumstances in which good things have a way of popping up and surprising you So what can we do so that we get surprised by something good.

I’ve made a list of silly and not so silly things but I’m sure that if I did half or even a quarter of these things, good or at least exciting things might follow:

1. Write to an important person and tell them of your dreams and ambitions.

2. Take a walk through the park or around a lake and notice every little thing you see. Then make them into a list when you return and write a story about them.
3. Call up someone you know doesn’t like or respect you and find out why. This may be uncomfortable and controversial, but hey, you won’t make the relationship worse. It wasn’t great to begin with, right?
4. Pretend you’re doing a stand-up routine. Line up your stuffed animals (aw cmon, we all have some leftover from childhood and adulthood). Now write a critique of how you think you did.

5. Make an appointment with Deepak Chopra and then cancel it. It will make you feel like you got the upper hand and that all that spiritual meditative yoga stuff was a crock.
6. Write your memoir as you wish it would have been. Leave in all the salacious and devious parts, such as when you had sex on the toilet and talked your girlfriend into taking the real estate exam for you. Read it over and laugh your sides off even if you don’t think it’s funny. It is funny because all of life except the death part is funny and trivial-funny.
7. Rename yourself at least for a week and dress accordingly. Fix your hair differently. Dye it if you want. Become someone else for at least a short time. How do you feel? Better? Worse?
8. Talk to your next door neighbor Randy. Everyone has a Randy for a next-door neighbor. He’s the guy with too much time on his hands who’s got to get all his t’s crossed and his i’s dotted. Say hi to Randy but treat him as if he is a slovenly, absent-minded jerk. Don’t tell him that. Just converse with him as if he’s the complete opposite of who he is. It’s a two-fold gain: You’ll gain huge insight and Randy will be terribly confused and never bother you again.
9. Lie to everyone for a day. Just the little things. See if everyone looks at you differently. Maybe you’ll get offers that are remarkably weird. Who knows? Give it a try and see.
10. If all else fails and you’re not finding the one thing in life that is most significant and most important, call it a day and sleep on it. The answer will be revealed to you in your dreams. Just keep a pad and pencil handy or else it’ll go poof.
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