The New Abnormal


Yesterday we played Twister with social distancing. Some call it yoga.

I’m so glad golfing is back. I can continue to practice socially distancing the ball from the hole.

Watch out for the new show The N95 Masked Singer.

People who want an apandectomy want all the restrictions removed.

Here’s a tip: If you’re fighting Covid, you want to inject yourself with bleach but the store was all sold out? Try watching Fox News for an hour. Same effect. No needles.

If there are people who actually need to be told to refrain from injecting bleach into their body, am I really doing them a favour by warning them? Or am I evolution’s assistant?

God has issued a statement saying that Heaven is now located in New Zealand, and there’s limited space.

For years now when I get a physical, I tell my doctor that liquor is an essential service. Now that we can admit it is, let’s make it cheaper.

Now that meat is so expensive and I’ve become a vegetarian, I’ll have to give up all my beefs about the world.

Things you won’t hear for a while: He shoots, he scores. Things you will hear for a while: He snoozes, he snores.

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