Bring Your Sock Puppet to Bed

She says she needs a vacation
to a warm and exotic clime
but you’ve heard it before and will hear it again–
and woman doesn’t know her own mind!

No, what she really wants down deep inside
the experts on romance have all said,
is for you to crawl under the sheets with her–
and bring your sock puppet to bed.

She says she’s thinking of diamonds
for an upcoming anniversary,
but it’s all a dodge—a misdirection–
I know, so take it from me.

The thing guaranteed to drive her crazy,
quite literally out of her head,
is for you to think of her for once
and bring your sock puppet to bed.

Sock puppets are universally nice and kind
and almost always fuzzy.
If you take it directly off your foot,
it’ll probably be pretty scuzzy.

Noir sock puppet

She says she’d like to go out to dine
at a really nice restaurant,
with linens on the table and candlelight
but I doubt that’s what she really wants.

No, I speak from experience, hear me out,
the matter is truly free from doubt–
If you want to bring tears of joy to her eyes,
and delight her with a big surprise,
she’ll leave her feelings for you unsaid
if you bring your sock puppet to bed.

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