Say what you will about Ted Cruz, the Texas Senator who’s been accused of having a “brain-dead moment” when he decided to vacation with his daughters in Cancún during the recent weather-induced catastrophe in his state — the man has a genius for turning turds into tulips.
In a Sunday interview on Fox News, Cruz said that being described as “brain dead” by Texas political consultant Bill Miller inspired him: “I suddenly realized that nobody wants to be around people who really ARE brain dead, like after they die. What if there was a travel agency that notified you as soon as a relative, friend, or co-worker passed away, and then made a reservation for you on the next available luxury-liner cruise out of the country? Wouldn’t that be great?
“Funerals can be so depressing, and they are almost always followed by repasts serving food that sucks. Of course, you have to stand around making awkward conversation with people you hardly know, can’t remember, or are not fond of.
“The vital-signs monitor for every patient in every hospice in the nation is linked to the home office of Cruz Cruise in Dallas. When someone you know dies, our staff is informed automatically and immediately, and we make a reservation for you on the next available two-month Carnival cruise departing from Orlando. We also handle your plane tickets to Florida if you need them. We guarantee to have you out of the country before the first obituary notice appears in the local newspaper.
Our motto: WITH CRUZ CRUISE, THE ONLY FUNERAL YOU’LL EVER HAVE TO ATTEND IS YOUR OWN!”
The obviously dismayed and exasperated Fox interviewer pointed his finger at Cruz and said, “you truly put the ‘vee’ in ‘vile’.”
Cruz: “So, what’s your point?”