António Guterres, Secretary General of the United Nations, proclaimed yesterday that “there is no doubt in my mind that we can restore in a timely fashion all the homes and businesses in Gaza that were devastated in the most recent episode of violence between Israel and Hamas, so that those structures will be prepared to be devastated yet again when the two warring parties resume their regularly scheduled s**t-show in a few years.
“I’m not saying that every Gaza family will have a fully appointed kitchen, or an outside deck with a deluxe Weber grill, or a Jacuzzi, but I’m sure we can guarantee microwaves and chemical toilets for all.”
When asked by reporters if he ever gets frustrated by the seemingly endless nature of this Mideast conflict, Guterres smiled and responded in a voice barely above a whisper: “Really, it’s not a problem. Whenever I start to experience despair over the mind-numbing insanity of it all, I just close my eyes and go Zen. Then I open them and watch a few episodes of Friends.”