Vice President Kamala Harris stunned both Republicans and Democrats during her border visit on Friday, when she unlocked a secret passageway linking El Paso, Texas and Ciudad Juárez, Mexico. Millions of refugees entered the United States in the hours that followed.
Harris did not apologize for her dramatic action, proclaiming that “Republican dipwads have been complaining incessantly about my failure to visit the border. Are you happy now? Ted Cruz, please feel free to suck the sweat from my sneaker socks.”
According to the State Department, only two people are now left in Central America: an elderly couple who run a bed-and-breakfast in Honduras. They were unwilling to leave the country when they couldn’t find anyone to take care of their cat, Mittens.