Trump advisor Steve Bannon may have been sentenced on Friday to four months in prison for disobeying a lawful subpoena, but none of that time will be served at Washington, DC’s Central Detention Facility (CDF), which has refused to accept him.
According to CDF Deputy Warden Kathleen Landerkin, Bannon is simply “too skeevy” to fit in with the facility’s prison population. Says Landerkin: “Listen, our inmates are no choirboys, to be sure. We’ve got our share of axe murderers, gangbangers, and garden-variety perverts. Hell, we even house two gentlemen who like to eat live sewer rats with hot sauce. But at a focus group I facilitated last week, our prisoners made it clear that they would feel very uncomfortable with Bannon in their midst. As one inmate put it, I have no problem sitting next to a stone-cold killer in the cafeteria, but this guy Bannon just gives me the willies. There is no soul behind those eyes.”
On Sunday, the U. S. Department of Justice announced that Bannon is likely to serve his sentence in an abandoned underground missile silo somewhere in the Southwest. Said one official: “Mr. Bannon’s only company will be scorpions and sand fleas. They should get along just fine.”
You got that right.
Plus he would probably spread several diseases……