Dictator For Life Putin is facing a great conundrum with his ‘DeNazification’ of Ukraine- Russian soldiers are shooting themselves and their comrades out of confusion. They have been brainwashed into beleiving that the people of Ukraine are still under the Nazi influence of sixty-five years ago and are a threat to the people of Russia. Having had a lifetime of Russian propaganda shoved down their ears and eyes their whole lives the new recruits lack a facility to think for themselves.
But many, it seems, have developed a logic of their own. They hear their superieors description of what a Nazi is – a tyrant who belives in fascism and will resort to all fashoions of torture, mass destruction and murder and not think twice about it, which is exactly what they themselves are doing. So logic would say that they whould shoot themselves as they themselves are acting like Nazi’s.
And they do. Too many do. So many that it is depleting Russian forces drastically.
“Why should we waste ammunition killing the Ukrainians when we are acting like the description our all-wise fearless leader Putin gave to us. If we just shoot ourselves that is the solution.” said Feorneay Malovich who then after making this utterance promptly pulled out his pistol and capped himself.
“It is a very big problem.” stated Commander Dimitri Yasovich. When interviewed Yasovich declared “Many soldiers that have been in the field a while have pressed guns to their heads because, as they say, ‘We have met the enemy and it is us!’ And they are right!” said Dimitri right before he pulled the pin on a hand grenade and stuffed it down his pants. He was not available thereafter for any further comments.
Genowin Klondusky, a Russian nurse watching over captured Ukrainian soldiers, confessed “I have purposely given them injections using a bigger than necessary needle and ignored their cries of pain to save precious pain killing medicines for my own homeboys. I realized after a while that I was just as foul as those German hags they lectured us on in history class!” At that she promptly syringed herself with enough morphine to make an elephant tap dance and was gone.
Putin himself has addressed the problem on national television. “This has to stop!” he stated, his bland face not used to showing such emotion. It looked weird for him to grimace. “We are the heroes, not the bad guys just like in those propaganda movies we cram down your eyes and ears. They are the bad people- they are in the way of Russia gaining direct access to the Black Seas so we can help kill more bad people like those Syrians we annihilate for Assad! Wait, that is not a good analogy. Like those Palestinians the Israelis kill for being on their land. Wait, that is again not a good one. Like those Indians the Americans wiped out because they were in the way of them taking over the whole North American continent! Wait, that still isn’t right. Like those filthy Nazies we beat to death in World War Two! There we have it. And we trounced them. Even though Stalin was their ally until Hitler attacked us without warning. Wait, that still isn’t it.
Putin then began mumbling to himself and told them to cut off the camera.Then he walked into a back room and a pistol shot was heard. Everyone was hoping he had offed himself, but were dismayed when he came back out unharmed.
“I just shot my speech writer for doing such a BS job.”
All were upset by this, but didn’t show it as a true Russian does.