Why I Despise – CORRECTION: ADMIRE Governor Ron DeSantis

Most historians are in agreement that of the people who have been president of the United States, Donald Trump ranks among the top 46 (barely beaten out by the 45^th best president, James Buchanan).

Personally, I’ve never had a strong opinion one way or the other about Trump, unless you consider the fact that since he was elected in 2016, I’ve written over THIRTY articles about this deplorable, vile, racist, misogynistic malignant narcissist, who is a lazy, incurious, vain, grossly overweight petulant man-child who is also a serial criminal / traitor / mob boss who only cares about himself and demands loyalty but offers none in return. But besides that, I really haven’t given the man much thought over the past seven years – except when I’ve been conscious.

As terrible a human being as Trump is, he’s not the person who keeps me up at night. That honor goes to Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. In case you haven’t been following the news lately, you might want to pay closer attention – because DeSantis is the odds-on favorite to challenge Trump for the Republican presidential nomination in 2024. There is a very real possibility he could be our next president.

The more I’ve learned about DeSantis, the more I’ve come to the opinion he’d be a dream candidate for president – assuming your dream candidate is a brooding, malevolent, temperamental, wannabe dictator who, if given the chance, is intent on turning his state, and eventually the nation, into an anti-woke, white Christian nationalist authoritarian society, fashioned exactly in the mold of Hungary’s fascist-leaning prime minister, Viktor Orbán. If this sort of world sounds like paradise to you, perhaps you’ve been watching a little too much Tucker Carlson (who is, by the way, a big fanboy of Viktor Orbán). Perhaps consider changing the channel to the PBS News Hour.

If you like Trump, you’re going to love Ron DeSantis. He’s every bit the megalomaniac as Don the Con, only much smarter and able to pronounce complicated words like “Beyoncé,” “Namibia,” and ““United States.” In a nutshell, he’s Trump but without the fake orange spray tan – or all the impending criminal indictments.

A former Florida state senator said the following:  “There are no second chances. It’s well known that you can’t go against him. If you cross him once, you’re dead.” No, he wasn’t talking about the man I prefer to call Mar-a-Lardo. He was talking about Ron DeSantis.

In a nutshell, DeSantis, working in close collaboration with the Republican-controlled state legislature, is actively working to turn Florida into a culture eerily similar to Orbán’s authoritarian Hungary. He famously led the push to implement a “Don’t Say Gay” law, banning classroom instruction dealing with sexual orientation or gender identity. He also is behind legislation to prevent schools and universities from talking about racism and systemic racism, in part because it might cause white kids to feel bad about being white. He’s a big promoter of the massive book ban taking place in Florida right now.

And if you’re a fan of Covid, you’d love living in the sunshine state, because as of March 2023, Florida continues to lead the nation in the number of Covid cases with 4,120 new cases per day (the next closest state is Texas at 3,010). That’s largely because Governor DeSantis is a strident anti-vaxxer who has repeatedly demonized all the health measures recommended by the CDC to fight the pandemic.

Recently, Commander Covid has petitioned the Florida Supreme Court to convene a grand jury to investigate “crimes and wrongdoing” (his words) related to the life-saving Covid vaccines – because he cares about freedom – apparently the freedom to expose people around you to the risk of dying from Covid.

DeSantis’ public persona is that of a charismatic, positive, kind, uplifting, likeable person. I’m just kidding. He’s an angry, churlish bully. A culture warrior who takes pleasure in attacking and mocking anyone who disagrees with him. Excuse me for a minute. My wife just showed me a news article with a rather disconcerting headline:

Florida bill will require bloggers who write about the governor to register with the state. 

According to this article (I’m not making this up), a bill has just been introduced in the Florida state legislature, endorsed by DeSantis, which, if passed, would “require bloggers who write about Gov. Ron DeSantis, his Cabinet or state legislators to register with the state within five days of the post.”  It goes on to say that failure to do so would result in fines of up to $2,500 per post.

Yikes! Apparently, the Governor is rather thin-skinned about criticism. And vengeful. Uh oh….

Um, after consultation with my wife, I would like to amend my previous somewhat critical comments regarding the Florida governor. Upon further reflection, I would like to clarify that I think Governor DeSantis is a great governor, a man of great conviction, and a man for the people (well, some of them, anyway). He is a beacon of freedom and patriotism (if not wearing a mask means you’re a patriot). 

When I wrote the passage above, “He’s every bit the megalomaniac as Don the Con, only much smarter and able to say words like “Beyoncé,” “Namibia,” and “United States,” I would draw your attention to the part where I said he’s “much smarter.” I was just kidding about the “Wannabe dictator” paragraph. I had not eaten for hours, so I was feeling a bit hangry.

In conclusion, I just want to reiterate, as a blogger, I didn’t mean any of the insulting words I wrote about Our Dear Leader and Next Coming of Christ, Governor Ron. I’m a kidder. And I admire His Grand Imperial Highness deeply. I have decided to name my pet snake DeSantis in your honor, sir. I will raise my kids to fear anyone in drag and make sure they attend CPAC every year. And I promise never to let anyone vaccinate them – or any of our pets.

Oh, and one more thing, Governor DeSantis: PLEASE DON’T TAKE AWAY MY KIDS!! I BEG OF YOU!!

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