Ever since Donald Trump told a group of religious conservatives on Friday to “get out and vote — just this time; you won’t have to do it anymore,” political pundits have been speculating about what exactly The Orange One meant by the remark.
On Monday morning the mystery was solved, when Republican National Committee Chair Michael Whatley revealed that Mr. Trump was referring to The Rapture: the specific moment in the future when both deceased and living Christians will ascend directly to Heaven and meet Jesus.
According to Whatley, The Rapture will take place on the evening of November 5th, when Trump is elected President: “Devout Christians will no longer have to worry about illegal immigrants crossing the U. S. border and trashing our way of life with their raping and their pillaging and even more of their raping, because the President’s supporters will have traveled to a much better place: the Kingdom of the Almighty. Upon arrival, each one of us will receive a personalized welcoming gift from Marjorie Taylor Greene, the Kingdom’s Headmistress of Vestal Virgins and Nail Salons.
“Of course, there will never be a need to vote in Orange Kingdom, because it’s all good. So, so good. You won’t believe how good it is. You’ve never seen good like this.”
Classic!