In a 3-minute YouTube video posted on Sunday, a guerilla chicken named “Che” issued a chilling warning: “If President Donald J. Trump does not resign by February 15th, rebel poultry will begin pecking Republican voters in Arkansas, transmitting the most virulent strain of avian influenza. If Trump has not resigned by February 16th, we will start pecking Republican voters in Oklahoma. For every day the President stays in office after that, we will initiate pecking in another Red State, and won’t stop until a full-fledged pandemic is raging among GOP loyalists across the country.
“We are simply taking a page from Mr. Trump’s playbook. He loves to threaten and bully people: ‘Do as I say or else’. Well, we’re speaking your language, Orange Man. Leave office now if you don’t want your supporters drowning in the tar pit of their own phlegm.”
Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth has vowed to hunt down Che and his followers: “We will find you; we will fry you; and we will eat you.”
I like chickens.