Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Justin Trudeau and Katy Perry make it official, step out hand-in hand in Paris
I give it six months … eight months if they stay in France or Canada because of the tariffs.
Nearly a dozen sharks found swimming in New York home’s basement
Who the hell lives there? A Bond villain?
Halloween 2025: All the celebrity costumes at Heidi Klum’s party
On a personal note, for Halloween, I dressed as the bill to release the Epstein files. That way I never had to leave the house.
Trump takes credit for Nobel Prize awarded for research done in the 1980s
How dare he take credit for work done by George Santos!
RFK Jr. admits he can’t actually tie Tylenol to autism
Or, that bear claws are made from actual bears.
Meta has filed a motion to dismiss a lawsuit that claims they downloaded thousands of adult films to use in AI training
Although, they are planning a new platform: Sit On Your Facebook. Coincidence? You decide.
Happy 80th Birthday to Henry Winkler
You can tell. At this point, the left turn light on his Harley is always blinking.
JD Vance and Erika Kirk’s warm hug at Turning Point event goes viral
I’m not saying Erika was dressed to attract JD, but her leather pants are the same grain as the leather couch in my den.
Mom was served margarita with industrial cleaner at Valentine’s Day dinner
Bad news: Police investigating her death. Good news: She didn’t have COVID.
Amazon falls on layoff report; will cut 30,000 corporate jobs
Or, as Bezos called the amount of savings: his wedding without the cake.
Newsweek’s tracking poll shows Mamdani widening his advantage in the New York mayoral race, securing 45 percent support
… While Cuomo has a pincher’s chance.
Dodgers walk-off Blue Jays in 18 inning World Series thriller
… A classic Dodger game … fans were leaving early in the 14h inning.
Scarlett Johansson and others have adult star lookalikes
… Or, as they’re known Doppel-gangbangers.
Zamboni driver arrested for DUI
He likes his transportation like he likes his drinks … on ice.