Ending a torrid affair that lasted nearly five years, President Donald J. Trump has vacated the RV he secretly shared with Marjorie Taylor Greene in a Walmart parking lot in Dalton, Georgia.
“That woman put a spell on me,” said the President. “I mean, the things she could do in the bedroom were so amazing. She’d cover my body with tortilla chips and melted string cheese and then whisper, ‘we’re going to play Naughty Nacho Bell, Mr. President’. She always called me ‘Mr. President’ even when I wasn’t. That’s the kind of gal she was. On Saturdays, we’d put a couple of folding chairs side-by-side in the parking lot, grab some Red Bulls from the cooler, and spend an entire afternoon shooting endangered species of birds. Way more fun than golf.
“But that little lady had a lot of miles on her, if you know what I mean, and they were starting to show. By the time I left, she had begun to look like a battered piñata covered with drywall and dumped by the side of the road in Puerto Palomas. Not a pretty sight.
“Thank God I had Melania shellacked 15 years ago. She looks the same today as she did then. Of course, it’s hard to cuddle with a woman who’s covered with varnish.”