Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about Jennifer Aniston, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon. Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Jennifer Aniston still reportedly earns $20 million a year from ‘Friends’
Now, we’re talking, THAT’S friends with benefits.
Meta ordered to pay $25 billion for deceiving users on privacy
… Send me a DM over at FB on how you feel, so Zuck will be sure to know.
Carnival Cruise passenger doesn’t have Ebola
Although it’s still difficult to ascertain the difference between Ebola symptoms and the normal effects of a Carnival Cruise
Trump wants to rename New Mexico, ‘New America’
What’s next naming states after himself? So, New York = New Dork, Iowa = IOU, Washington = Washedupington?
20 Rabbis join protestors
It would have been 21, but one walked into a bar with a Reverend and a Priest.
Why American Dental Hygienists are calling it quits
Dad joke alert: They can’t handle the tooth.
Feds Loosen Up on Weed’
Hey, doesn’t everyone?
Lindsey Graham paid off 3 male escorts, including one who was 17 at the time — explosive documentary alleges
Welp, It took him dying to get to the bottom of this.
Happy ‘World Dictionary Day’
Ironically, I have no words to describe it.
Boebert accused of threesomes
Or, as Republicans call them these days, a Nicki Minaj a Trois!
Tennis Legend John McEnroe asks $35 million for Beachfront Malibu home
… And the neighbors are already used to dealing with a racket.
Florida man killed ex-fiancee hours after their ‘People’s Court’ episode aired, police say
Up next, he’ll be on Dead People’s Court.
Steven A Smith appears on Hannity
If Steven A Smith winds up on Fox and Friends, he’d better hope those white friends don’t take him on a trip to an island!
Binge drinking vs. critical thinking
I say, let’s have a kegger and discuss it!