Newspaper stories never tell the reader everything. Details that could make the story really interesting are always left out. For example, in New York City a man had a fight with his father, after which he drove his father’s minivan over a pedestrian pathway into a lake in Central Park, got out of the vehicle while it was sinking and was helped out of the water by bystanders. I can’t help but imagine how a cell phone conversation between the man and his mother after the incident might go:
*ring ring*
“Hello.”
“Mom? It’s me, Herbie.”[1]
“Where are you?”
“It’s complicated.”
“What do you mean?”
“Uh … I just got pulled out of the lake over in the park.”
“WHAT?”
“I just got pulled out of the lake over in the park.”
“I heard you. What the hell were you doing in the lake and are you okay?”
“I was driving Dad’s van and I’m just really wet.”
“You drove to the park and went for a swim? What were you thinking? You can’t swim! You could drown in a mud puddle!”
“Well, I didn’t exactly park the van. I drove it into the water. It’s still there. I got out and some people came over and pulled me to shore. You’d be amazed how much you remember from swimming class when you’re drowning.”
“Wait a minute. Did you just say your father’s van is in the lake? The one he polishes every weekend? The one he won’t play CDs in because the vibrations might ruin the upholstery?”
“Yeah. That one.”
“Your father gets mad at the kid next door for breathing on that van from across the driveway!”
“I know.”
“How did you get the keys? He never takes them out of the safe in the bedroom.”
“Uh … take a look in the bedroom. It’s pretty messy in there. I left pieces of metal all over the place, Mom. Sorry.”
(pause) “Okay. What is happening to the van now?”
“There are some divers in the lake fishing it out. They said they’ll have to let it dry out first, and then we can see if it will still run. A bunch of cops are here, too. They said the same thing, before they put the handcuffs on me.”
“Your father just walked in. If he gets hold of you he’s going to kill you!”
“I know. That’s why I called you. I figured you could calm him down before he murders me.”
(mumbling in the background, which starts out soft but gets really loud)
“Herbie? I just told your father what happened. He is turning real red and he looks like he’s going to have a stroke. You’d better not come home because he will seriously hurt you.”
“I can’t come home, anyway. I think I’m being arrested. (to cop) You’re arresting me, right? (to Mom) He says they might take me to Bellevue[2] instead.”
(more shouting in the background)
“Herbie? Your father wants to know, quote, why was that fucking moron … in other words, you … driving the van in the first place when I told him I’d cut his fucking balls off if he even came within thirty feet of it , unquote.”
“I was mad. Dad called my girlfriend a two-dollar whore and tried to throw her and her father out of our apartment. They all got to fighting and nobody was paying me any attention. Dad loves that van more than anything in the fucking universe, and I figured I’d get his attention if I stole it and drowned it. So I did.”
(mumbling, angry shouts and crashing glass in the background)
(Herbie to himself) “Oh shit! I’m a dead man! (to cop) Do you think you could take me away now? My Dad is totally pissed and he’s a big guy. (to mother) Uh, Mom? The cops are taking me to Bellevue now. Tell Dad not to bother going down there. He can’t hit a guy in a straitjacket, anyway. I won’t mind staying locked up until he gets over wanting to pulverize me.”
“You’re crazy, you know that?”
(more shouting and crashing glass)
“Yeah, well, they’re taking me to the right place, then.”
“Okay. Call me when they’re ready to let you out.”
“I will, Mom. Bye. Love you!”
“Good-bye.”
*click*
Inspiration:
Gothamist, Really Mad At Dad: Man Drives His Father’s Van Into Central Park Lake
Hey! A little adolescent acting out is part of growing up.
Hah! The real guy in the real story is 30 years old!
That all sounds about right. Thanks for the “back-story”. 🙂
You’re welcome. Some stories just beg for some exaggerated elaboration.
Wow, Herbie will never be the same again! Great write! 🙂
Well, his Dad needed to replace that old van, anyway.