I heard there is a hurricane a – comin’. So, I went to the store to buy provisions in case we lose power and the roads become impassable. I wasn’t nervous about this event until I hit the water aisle and saw the shelves were almost bare. Something about there being no available water sends me into a tizzy. I grabbed for one of the last plastic jugs, and an old lady literally swiped it away from my grasp with her cane. She thought she was so tough. She might have been quick with her arm movements, but she wasn’t so spry when I tripped her as she walked away. As she tumbled to the floor, She dropped the water bottle so with cat-like agility, I bent over, scooped it up and walked away in victory.
Did I really trip an old lady? Well, only in my imagination. In truth, she did grab the jug with her cane, but I kept my cool and told her in a really sweet voice that she should have her water as it might be the last bottle of water she would ever enjoy on this earth, and then I smiled while she pondered her mortality.
I thought natural disasters and pending doom were supposed to bring out the best in people. Anyway,I did manage to get a case of bottled water and some Gatorade, so I moved on to procure some food. Do you know that very few healthy items come in cans? I can’t see my family surviving on beans and sauerkraut. This combo cannot be good for family togetherness when said family is stuck with each other in the dark with windows shut tight.
I did get a few bags of raisins and dried fruit but for the most part during this ordeal, my family will be downing cookies, pop tarts, crackers, doughnuts and of course, cans of Betty Crocker frosting for dessert. Yes, we will survive the hurricane if we don’t kill ourselves bouncing off the walls.
I also went to Home Depot in search of flash lights and batteries. Home Depot was in war-zone mode. I was behind a man who had both arms filled with packages of batteries. Unless his wife has the mother of all vibrators, this was hoarding. Finally, I found one package of C batteries, which I need for my vibrator – nah; I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. My vibrator takes AAs.
After surviving the lines at the grocery store, pet store and Home Depot I went to the liquor store – we need something to wash down the cookies and frosting– and finally to the gas station where I waited in line to top off my tank. Yes, now I am prepared for the hurricane. If this storm turns out to be a dud, the party is at my house next week. Sorry, but you need to bring your own batteries and vibrators. I can’t imagine they are good to share.