Shadowy Secrets Revealed By Eclipse

 Yes, that’s right. With my very own camera I took these photos during the eclipse (you probably heard about it), capturing … something. Something Big Government doesn’t want you to know about. Or maybe Big Pharma. Or Big NASA, I don’t know–someone.

 But they couldn’t hide it during the eclipse, which is, as you know, when the elephants riding the giant turtle that holds up the Earth come out to change the light bulb. Too many cameras these days, thanks to Big Kodak. In the end the conspirators shot themselves in the Big Foot.

The hidden planet Nemesis is revealed! Those blue dots are probably its moons, Neme and Sis.

Or maybe ours: The Earth has more than one Moon! And more than one sun, judging by the direction of their shadowed areas. It’s a crowded solar system.

An out of control UFO! Probably piloted by Elon Musk, from his home planet, Nemesis. Or maybe it’s bringing Elvis back, that would explain why its hips are gyrating.

The Eye of Sauron! Tolkein was right! Or maybe it’s Cthuklhu emerging. But I pick Sauron, which is easier to spell.

So there you have it. We weren’t just taking in a temporary totality too long: We were exposing the secrets Big Big didn’t want you to know. And that’s big.