Attending Your Own Funeral Could Be The Death Of You

Theresa Wiza

Imagine this scenario: You die.

(You could stop right there, but for the sake of this article, please keep reading.)

Your family attends your wake. Like any good dead person, you (as a dead person, of course), attend your own wake and funeral just to see who actually comes to wish you a safe passage into the next realm.

What you DON’T expect to happen is to WAKE UP at your own wake. And yet, it happens.

According to the Huffington Post (who reportedly read about the event from the Daily Mail), Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov, a name I won’t even begin to pretend I know how to pronounce, died and then, after realizing she was at her own funeral, died again.

Apparently the shock of discovering you are dead is enough to send you across your life span and directly into death, where you do not pass go, you do not collect $200, and you do not even get to prove reincarnation exists.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – CREMATION, PEOPLE! If you don’t want to wake up dead, if you don’t want to know what it’s like to be a Zombie, get cremated!

Or – get a rider on your insurance policy that states “in cases of double indeathtiny (my new made-up word that means the destiny of being in a state of death – you’ll love it if you lisp), you get TWO – repeat TWO – payouts, one for your first death and one for your second.”

Not that it will do you any good, so make sure you have a will (a will to live, that is, silly people).

And let’s not get too upset about this whole dying twice idea. Maybe – just maybe – we’re all taking life a little too literally. Just because a doctor pronounces you dead, doesn’t mean that you may actually be dead. He may have mispronounced the word.

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10 thoughts on “Attending Your Own Funeral Could Be The Death Of You”

  1. Personally, I plan to hang around as a ghost for a while and scare a few people. That’s much more fun than dying again.

    1. My mother used to tell us that too. Really freaked me out. It was bad enough that she told us she had eyes in the back of her head while we were growing up but then to find out she’d still be spying on us after she died – I was (and am) so grateful she’s still with us.

  2. Although I have read about people who came to in the morgue. Turns out they weren’t really dead. Can you imagine?

    1. I’ve also heard that body spasms occur after death, so the possibility exists for people to sit up while still being dead. Scary!

    1. Thanks for my first smile of the morning. Also some people shoot craps when they die 😉

  4. My husband has orders, I am to be creamated. If he goes first, I’m putting him in the BBQ grill – same concept, cheaper!

    1. Tennessee BBQ at its finest – maybe you could open up your own business – the first cremation BBQ ever!

  5. I’m with you! Cremation, cremation, cremation. I don’t want to wake up from being dead and have to do it all over again! Very good Theresa!

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