The Crime of Flatulence

Is this man guilty of a crime?

I’m not quite sure how to take this story.  An anchor for the local FOX affiliate in Cleveland was presenting a story when she cracked up about the content – a man who had been arrested for a DUI violation was also charged with passing gas that was considered “very odorous and creating contact of an insulting or provoking nature”, according to the police officer who reported it.

See the news clip here.

It is funny on so many levels.  For instance, if such actions were a crime against humanity the jails would be overloaded and I would be given a life sentence.  I keep the antacid manufacturers in business and if I worked hard enough at it I could play in the Dallas Symphony Orchestra’s tuba section, provided there was adequate ventilation.  I could have used my talents for sound effects in the movie industry where rolling thunder and hot rod racing scenes were included.

Then there is the officer that felt compelled to charge the man with this flatulent “crime”.  For this public servant to feel that this was indeed an act that warranted an official complaint, one can only assume that the perpetrator’s fart was beyond all human experiences.  Who else but a cop, who sits in a squad car most of the day digesting their lunch and snacks while belching and farting the residuals of their food, can rightly charge another human being with such a vile act unless it went beyond the pale of a squad car’s gaseous environment at the end of each shift.

But the one the tops the list for me is that such information is symbolic of what passes for news on the FOX network.  Odious and insulting indeed.  Such biased reporting should be a crime.  It doesn’t really take the stink away much either with a plethora of blonde beauties to act as eye-candy while passing such flatulence on to its viewing audience.