What Hoveround Comes Around

They’re everywhere!  You know those infernal freaking indoor motorized assassin vehicles that most folks over 70 use to get around in.  They’re called Limited Mobility Scooter, better known as Hoverounds.  Even those individuals who have had their drivers licenses revoked due to failing eyesight and hearing  loss can get one   without taking any form of coordination/competency test.  They tend to drive like maniacs with no regard for personal space or motorized responsibility.

The other day I headed out on one of my grab-and-go supermarket outings.  I like shopping early before all the soccer moms with their perky-ass baby jogging strollers invade the all-natural, gluten-free, non-fat, low sodium, baby food aisle.   Poor kids.  They’ll never experience the thrill of eating a family pack of  Twizzlers before school and puke it up in P.E. class.  I want to open up a package of beef  jerky and shove a couple of pieces in the kid’s mouth, but I digress.

Anyway, I walked over to the line of shopping carts and as I was moving towards the doors a rotund woman going 20 mph flew by me in candy apple red electric mobility scooter sporting a confederate flag stickers with, The South Shall Rise Again written across the bottom.  As if she’d ever be able to rise. She cut the corner so close that she almost took my foot off.  I was so pissed I followed her.

I caught up with this speed demon at the frozen food aisle where I found her loading up on Ben and Jerry’s Rocky Road.  I thought, “I didn’t know it was on sale?  Let me check the in-store coupon.” The in-house coupons distracted me for a second when I saw her take off to the soda and beverage aisle.  It was as if she was on a Hoveround shopping crusade; in hot pursuit of Cheerwine, another drink only known to those of us who live in the south.  It’s like a syrupy sweet version of Dr. Pepper some southerners prefer over sweet tea.

She snagged a stock boy on her way and asked if he could load a case on her back rack.  Yes, they come with a rack!  Not only can you ride them you can haul with them.  What next a tow-hitch for camping equipment?  Maybe they will eventually have interchangeable ATV tires.  Personally I’d like to see them compete in the indoor monster truck rallies.

The announcer screaming, “SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY, BIG MONSTER TRUCK CRASHMASTER versus HELLS GRAVE DIGGER HOVEROUND!”

She sped through the self-check-out line and haul tailed it out of the store.  I hurried outside to watch this hefty Hoveround Hannah maneuver her bounty into her vehicle.  To my complete shock she popped off her scooter, quicker than yeast doughnut popping out of a deep-fryer, loaded her groceries into the trunk and proceeded to collapse her chariot like a transformer!

Now I must admit I was still pissed about my near miss foot incident, nonetheless,  I was very impressed at how easily these things transport.   They come with front handle baskets, in three and four-wheel models, an assortment of colors and are relatively light weight.

Don’t get me wrong it’ll be a cold day in hell before I’m caught cruising around on one of these motorized trikes, but it’s like the old saying, “What Hoveround, Comes Around.”   If and when I decide to use one I’ll make sure it has one of those 18-wheeler air horn on it to warn people  my bad ass, tie-dyed, monster wheel mobility scooter with my ‘I’ll Never Do Weed with Willie Nelson Again’ bumper stickers is hoverin’round.

Source: http://www.hoveround.com/bolero-power-scooter

Share this Post:

10 thoughts on “What Hoveround Comes Around”

  1. Unfortunately, my neice’s husband rides everywhere on one, even though he is in his early thirties! He is not overweight, but claims to have some disability the doctors can’t find (called “donwannawork”).

    1. LOL, Mike I know many who suffer from that disease. It’s usually accompanied with CRAFT disease!!

  2. Deb, I want a bright yellow one with one of those bicycle safety flags attached to the back. I want a bumper sticker that says “This is my other car — my broom is in the shop.” and “If you can read this, you are following to close, so F off.” Maybe I’ll drive it down to North Carolina to visit you! Can I take it on I-95?

    1. HA HA HA HA! Yes I think they’ll let you use the truck route as long as you have your safety flag attached. You can get the day-glow yellow hoverround and I’ll get the day-glow green and we can drive downtown to the Asheville Sonic! And they say rural folk don’t know how to party!

  3. I am an overweight 60’ish woman and sometimes my knees hurt after I have been walking around for a while. Sometimes they even hurt if I HAVEN’T been walking around very much. Unlike your Hoveround speed demon, however, I am too proud (and still WAY too mobile on my own two feet) to consider riding in one of those things. I hope I will never get to the point where I actually need one.

    Anyway, I feel your pain, frustration and plain old-fashioned annoyance. Having a mobility problem does not excuse anyone from ordinary politeness.

    1. I’ve got a bum knee from a bad dismount off a horse, but I continue to walk a lot!! I believe the key word for both of us is WALKING!! lol

  4. Huh, weird… Suddenly I’m hearing Jan and Dean’s “Little old lady from Pasadena” in my head. My father in law had one, and I used to turn the speed dial all the way up when he wasn’t looking. I got a cheap thrill out of knowing he’d be ricocheting off a wall. Trust me, he deserved it.

    1. OMG Jack!! That’s too funny! I think that would be a great title for you to write about, “The Ricochet Renegade Scooter”

  5. I personally think that many people AIM to be in conditions where they get to ride in those damned things. For instance, last week at the grocery store; I saw 2 borderline morbidly obese ladies MUNCHING ON DOUGHNUTS while speeding around in those things. It’s almost as though they’re thinking “The more doughnuts I eat, the more I get to ride in these machines”.. $@#^%@^@T$@T@W@$FG$%@%

Comments are closed.