Like any scientist who creates a masterpiece, I have been working on the improvement of my Home Liposuction Kit. In its primitive form, which you can find on this blog, Just Call Me Your Fatness, I referred to a needle inserted into the skin and then a vacuum cleaner flushing out the fat.
Well, that would take FOREVER, so I created my New and Improved Home Liposuction Kit as a result of a memory I had years ago – a traumatic memory involving my son and a carpet knife. A neighbor girl had grabbed a carpet knife, thinking it was a pen, and WROTE on my son’s leg. Both of them were horrified to see my son’s leg open up after the little girl dragged what she thought was a pen ACROSS MY SON’S LEG.
It was a terrifying time for me. I don’t do well with pain when my kids are involved. I had just moved into a new area and was blindly driving in the opposite direction of where the two hospitals were located when I got stuck by a train. I ran out of the car as I usually do when I’m going insane and discovered that my sister was in the car behind me watching me run in frantic circles around my car. Well, that’s another story.
Long after the trauma was over, nearly 30 years later, to be almost exact, I remembered how the skin opened up and revealed a layer of fat, which even then I thought was weird because my son was so skinny, and it scared the (wish it was fat) common sense out of me. Fortunately there was no blood or we would never have made it to the hospital.
And so, in considering my Home Liposuction Kit, I remembered that carpet knife and the ease in which it must have glided across my son’s leg. Today vacuums are much more powerful than they were 30 years ago, and so I’ve decided that a carpet knife with a vacuum cleaner implement would do just fine.
However, I’m somewhat stalled. I can’t get over the disgusting thought of emptying my fat from a vacuum. Excuse me. I’m about to lose my lunch.
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okay, no homemade kits for you! I think this can only lead to no good Theresa!
Oh, darn. I was hoping nobody would notice my desperation. Guess it leaked out, huh? Wish the same thing would happen to my fat!
My fat has become such a part of me that I would probably cry if I did anything to hurt it.
And I do not like knives. If anyone is going to use anything resembling a knife on me, it had better only be when I am under anesthesia and I temporarily do not know I am being carved up. It had also better be for a really good reason. I would hate to be cut up for no good reason.
My fat is a foreigner in a strange land. I don’t like knives either, but the carpet knife looks like a pen, so that could work for me.
Its so good to know that there are entrepreneurs out there who are concentrating on solving the problems that really matter. I have a feeling that you will one day produce this amazing product!
Thank you so much for your confidence. I’m working on solving poverty too while I figure out a way to make everyone millionaires!
I think you need more of a caveat than “Do Not Try This at Home” Something along the lines of “I was desperate when I discovered this technique” 🙂