You Went To The Wrong Parade

I went to college in the South. I was a beneficiary of Affirmative Action (the school apparently had difficulty attracting people from other regions, so someone with iffy grades, no club memberships, and zero leadership qualities could get in if they were born Northern). Part of my experience in Tennessee involved being in a fraternity.

Most frats had a “Hell Week” that pledges had to endure before becoming members. Fortunately, I picked a great group to join. Members didn’t force pledges to drink themselves to death. They didn’t beat them or make them jog to the point of hospitalization. The members were humorous, actually had a clue, and pretty much all of them graduated. Even Chuck, who took Accounting 101 three times and then put “Three semesters of Accounting” on his resume.

Part of Hell Week involved pulling off a number of embarrassing stunts. I don’t remember what they entailed, but it was mostly harmless, juvenile guy-stuff. But the other day I saw something that would be the ultimate southern Hell-Week prank to assign to a Northerner:

A farmer named Donnie recently caused a stir during the 4^th of July Parade in a small North Carolina town. Riding a tractor with a confederate flag attached, the guy towed a cart of watermelons with a very unusual plaque attached. So, without any Fuhrer (er, I mean further) ado, hereeee’s Donnie:

Can you picture a better prank to assign to an uber-liberal pledge from New England than this? If I’d worn those jeans-shorts and that American flag tee shirt, I’d have looked just like Donnie, albeit with a few more teeth.

I’m glad no one thought of this twenty-five years ago.