Hollywood Doesn’t Noah Any Better | HumorOutcasts

Hollywood Doesn’t Noah Any Better

March 27, 2014
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NoahMany people in the religious community are up in arms about the film Noah claiming it is full of inaccuracies. I find it amusing they have reached this conclusion from only seeing the trailer since the film doesn’t open until Friday. Plus, I think it’s safe to assume none of them were around when the whole Noah thing took place.

Even if the film does take certain liberties, should that come as a surprise? Hollywood’s been taking liberties of Biblical proportions since the silent film era. Either that or there was an unusually high epidemic in the 1920’s of women being tied to train tracks.

What these people need to understand is studio executives always take a story and change it. As a matter of fact, I bet director Darren Aronofsky’s pitch meeting for Noah went something like this:

“Darren, we love it! Love it! It’s perfect just as it is. But how about this? We keep the big boat, gotta keep the storm and the flood. We can CGI the shit outta all of that. And the animals are a no brainer. That’ll get the kids in the seats. But we give Noah a hot wife and daughter, get Russell Crowe to play him, and Gladiator this bitch up with some huge action scenes. The opening weekend will be huge!”  

It’s how Hollywood works. That’s why Mel Gibson made The Passion of the Christ independently with his own money. Because some studio big shot probably told him: “Mel, it’s great but do we really need those brutal torture scenes? I mean what is this? Walmart on Black Friday? And that crucifixion thing at the end? A real downer.”

However, there is good news for the religious factor that is upset about the movie. They can exercise their God given free will by staying home and telling Hollywood Noah thank you.

Mario Turchiarolo

Mario Turchiarolo is a film/TV/and comic book writer. He’s also a foodie who loves to cook and eat. Check out his food blog The Bite at http://the-biteblog.blogspot.com.

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6 Responses to Hollywood Doesn’t Noah Any Better

  1. Bill Y Ledden
    March 28, 2014 at 7:28 am

    When you get a director like Aronofsky, directing a lunatic like Crowe, you just know it’s gonna be cool.

  2. Kathy Minicozzi
    March 27, 2014 at 11:42 pm

    Hollywood did the exact same thing in such Biblical epics as “Samson and Delilah,” “Solomon and Sheba” and “The Ten Commandments.” A whole lot of what we see in those movies isn’t in The Bible. Why would they do any different with the story of Noah?

  3. Deb Martin-Webster
    March 27, 2014 at 9:56 pm

    Water,boats,hot actors, I thought Noah was the sequel to Titanic? 😉

  4. March 27, 2014 at 3:46 pm

    You have such a great insider look at studio execs. Once again, I think the studios are missing out by not paying you big big bucks to make their blockbusters

  5. March 27, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    Hah! Walmart on BF is just like Passion. Luv it!

  6. March 27, 2014 at 9:51 am

    People are just too sensitive. Of course Hollywood is gonna whore it up, that’s what they do, because DUH it makes money. I agree with you, don’t get all bent out of shape – just don’t go watch it.



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