CORAL GABLES, FL – Today responsible citizen Brandon Hart filed a report with local police over what he identified as “fraud, pure and simple” against all of the law-abiding taxpayers of his state, or the country, “or whoever is getting fleeced to pay for lazy people’s snacks,” after witnessing “an egregious bamboozling of the system” when he watched a woman use an EBT (electronic benefit transfer) card to purchase crackers.
“It’s simply unconscionable that this so-called poor woman is buying crackers with food stamps. Crackers are a luxury item and should only be purchased with real money. Real money that this lady could have gotten by selling her blood, hair, or who knows what else she can hock. I had a friend in college that sold his blood and that paid for everybody’s beer for a whole night. It’s no big deal, the body just keep making more. All this time I’ve been hearing stories on the internet, but I’m too smart to believe that kind of thing. But then here it is with my own eyes! We should really have people following these types around and deciding what should be allowed to be purchased.”
Hart added that he wasn’t sure, but she most likely had two kidneys and people can live fine with only one. “She’s holding on to good money right there. Kidney prices have been through the roof! I assume at least, with all of the knocking people out and stealing their kidneys and leaving notes and what not.”
Saltines, maybe, but this is egregious.
Well, clearly he wasn’t the one who said “Let them eat cake.”