Psychic

Today I am grateful for psychics.  And I am one.  Because someone wrote something on one of my Facebook posts then sent me a message explaining why she said what she said but I told her she did have to do that because I was psychic and understood exactly what she meant.  Apparently psychics use run-on sentences big time.  Then I said I should hang out my shingle and make some cash.  She thought that would be a good idea.

I was going to respond to her in a witty retort, but decided to do a blog post on it instead.  So here is me doing a couple of psychic readings.

Young Female Client:  I was told you could help me get a grip on my life.  My boyfriend tells me I’m fat and yet he buys donuts every single day and brings me four and they are filled with crème and I love those.  He only has one.  What should I do?  Is this because of a past life?

Me:  Keep the donuts.  Kick him to the curb.  He’s been an asshole in every life.

Male Client:   My wife doesn’t cook as well as my mom, so if I could just channel my mom then she could give my wife lessons.  Can you help?

Me:  Not without a cast iron frying pan!

Male Client:  Should I buy one?  My mom loved hers. Will you look into it and see my mom?

Me:  No, moron!  I’ll smack you upside the head with it.  Order take-out!

I’m ready to hang that shingle up.  “Mary Mooney = Tell-It-Like-It-Is-Get-Your-Head-Out-Of-Your-Ass-Psychic.”  Cheap!

(To experience more of my missives, please go to http://heartprintsdotcom.wordpress.com or follow me on Facebook)