As fellow Guy, Bryan McBournie, reported a little over a week ago, Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong melted down at the iHeartRadio Music Festival at the MGM Grand Las Vegas. Armstrong objected to the final minute of his set, and whether Green Day’s set was cut short or not, he wanted the audience to know that it was “fucking bullshit” as illustrated by the following:
- He’s been around since fucking nineteen eighty-fucking-eight.
- He’s not fucking Justin Bieber, you motherfuckers.
- [You made him do this to his guitar.]
- God fucking loves you all.
- He and the rest of Green Day will be back.
Music critics, and children who still give Green Day Kids’ Choice Awards, called it the most punk rock thing ever. But, I’m not so sure. Let’s look at his arguments, because they just cemented themselves in the Dad Rock Hall of Fame.
1. He’s been around since fucking nineteen eighty-fucking-eight.
Perhaps the most simple and damning evidence, Green Day has “been around” since 1988. You know what other bands were founded — as Billie’s calendar says — twenty-fucking-four moutherfucking years ago?
- Barenaked Ladies
- Boyz II Men
- Crash Test Dummies
- House of Pain
- Milli Vanilli
- Mr. Big
- Naughty by Nature
- Ace of Base
- Color Me Badd
- Digital Underground
- Kid ‘n Play
2. He’s not fucking Justin Bieber, you motherfuckers.
You bet your ass Billie Joe Armstrong isn’t Justin Bieber. Or having intercourse with Justin Bieber. That’s the sworn duty of Selena Gomez and a frighteningly large strap-on carved from a Canadian maple tree.
I’ll put it this way: one person threw a fit because he didn’t get as much stage time as Usher. The other just recently sang shitty songs and threw up twice in front of teenage girls and their mothers, who still want to fuck him. (Both wore leather pants.)
Even if Green Day isn’t Dad Rock now (they are), they just lost the punk rock street cred game to Justin Bieber.
3. [You made him do this to his guitar.]
I don’t know about you, but when I think of broken guitars, I think Jimmy Hendrix and The Who.
4. God fucking loves you all.
Clearly the sign of an aging man who’s trying to make his peace with the almighty, like how Prince and Little Richard became ministers to cover their tiny bisexual asses.
5. He and the rest of Green Day will be back.
Perhaps with a book to sell like this guy from 1988.
But, you don’t have to take Billie’s word for it. Here’s my supporting evidence of Green Day’s Dad Rock status:
8. They have a musical on Broadway.
It’s no Spider-Man, I’ll grant that to U2, Dad Rock’s Ambassadors to Africa. (The previous ambassadors were Toto.)
7. Billie Joe’s name is one letter away from Billy Joel.
And both can keep each other company in rehab.
Ladies and gentlemen, give Green Day a warm welcome into the Dad Rock Hall of Fame. Goodnight, Cleveland!*
*Cleveland is this city in Ohio where bands used to pla … You know what? Ask your dad.