The Customer Is Always Right. Like Hell.

In my younger days I owned a business and have since worked in various capacities for any number of companies.

I do believe that customers are entitled to every effort and beyond to ensure that their investment in a given purchase is honored diligently by those selling the goods and services. There have been times when I have fallen on the sword and lost profits to make sure that a customer who came to me in good faith was not disappointed. This is the right thing to do and is a cost of doing business overall.

At the same time there are simpletons masquerading as customers out there who can suck the blood of revenue right out of your business. This may sound like sacrilege to the business seminar loving, coffee sipping, self-titled CEOs out there but the truth is that some customers are not worth having.

These idiots come in several forms and do nothing but destroy the moral of your organization and take time away from the service you should be giving to loyal customers.

One of my favorite forms of these blood-suckers is the pseudo-educated consumer. This pompous ass has read a few trade rags and has spent some time delving into forums on the internets. He is not going to let himself get taken by some slick salesman. He is now armed with the notion that he knows the product and can negotiate a deal whereby he gets the merchandise for free. His favorite line is, “I can get it for less on the internet.”

My response is usually, “Well that’s super go ahead.” To which the halfwit replies, “Well, I’d really rather deal with someone like you.” Now, isn’t that special? I am so honored! The translation of the backhanded compliment of “I’d rather deal with you” is “I want to be able to return it to a reputable store if it doesn’t work but I want the same cheap ass price.”

Well the peace of mind is going to cost you, pal. Now, go pound salt.

Another type of these mentally defective consumers is the all-out brazen jerk. This type of addlepated nincompoop is usually so out of touch with reality he is just barely aware that he is even alive. This guy is under the delusion that a business is expected to mold their prices and services around whatever he deems to be fair. His favorite line is, “This is how I do business.”

Have a nice day and a better day tomorrow!

The rules of the free market apply equally to both sides of the business counter. Yes, customers have the right to take their business elsewhere if you cannot satisfy their needs. At the same time, a private purveyor of goods and services is under no obligation to match prices or agree to high demands as part of a sale.

That’s how the free market works in this here republic.

Now, go pound salt. Oh, and by the way, have a nice day!

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8 thoughts on “The Customer Is Always Right. Like Hell.”

  1. And let’s not forget the hospitable-gritting-of-the-teeth-smile along with the have a nice day! I feel your pain Billy! 🙂

  2. I am willing to pay more if I buy something in a brick and mortar store vs the Internet — because I get to actually see (and probably try out) the item before I buy it. As a cooperative owner of a small business, I am amazed at the way credit card companies grab part of my profits without even a “Thanks!” They have convinced consumers that credit card usage should be free (at least to the consumer).

    1. That’s true. Brick and mortar represent a substantial investment that authorized dealers make, and so does the trained personnel that staff them. This is peace of mind consumers should weigh against pass along distributors with less cost. Sometimes the cheap sale works out for the customer, other times not so much. It really depends on what you are buying too.

  3. The Eldest works retail in a mall music/dvd store. He’s heard the line “Wal-mart has it for less” so many times that he just walks around mumbling “then go to wal-mart.” I wonder if that’s considered a worker’s compensation injury? 🙂

    Enjoyed your post!

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