If you think sticks and stones can hurt you but words can’t, you’re wrong. Those words could be “Hey guys, let’s throw sticks and stones.”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 10, 2013
“The moral of the story is throw it out of your car before the cops pull you over,” I said to my 2 y.o. Now my wife handles bedtime stories.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 10, 2013
When I hear someone say “I want you inside of me,” I don’t think of sex. I think of Luke Skywalker and his tauntaun. Goodbye, boner.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 10, 2013
You have the power to make anyone’s day better. All you have to do is go away.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 10, 2013
What I say never has two meanings. Most of the time, it doesn’t even have one.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 10, 2013